The Sinkhole Syndrome

Faces etched with worry and our hearts full of concern, we found ourselves as young parents on the way to the emergency room with our 6 month old son Jared. Just the day before we had visited the pediatrician's office and left armed with multiple prescriptions to fight the double ear infection, pinkeye, fever, and sore throat. We had done the ear infection, pinkeye thing many times with our 2 year old daughter, so we knew the routine. But, this would prove to be anything but routine.

Within 24 hours, Jared's symptoms worsened. His fever rose and he became lethargic, crying frequently, and his eyes were now almost swollen shut. We called our pediatrician and in a serious tone he said, 'Meet me at the ER.'

After we arrived at the ER words like Spinal Tap and Spinal Meningitis were being thrown at us and I felt like I was living in a nightmare. The Spinal Tap was done only to be followed by more sessions of poking and sticking with needles to try and insert an IV in his tiny veins. This was more than either of us could bear and we were told to take a walk while persistent nurses did their work.

After the Spinal Tap, Spinal Meningitis was ruled out, but the doctors admitted they had no answers for why he was so sick. The course of treatment would be high powered intravenous antibiotics to fight whatever enemy this was that had invaded his tiny body.

I was allowed to sleep on a cot in his room and settled down for what would be the first of a week of nights in this cold sterile room. But, sleep wouldn't come as my thoughts were filled with scary scenarios and my heart was aching with the agony of fear and uncertainty. Where was my faith? Where was the peace that I knew a Christian should feel at a time like this? Certainly any parent would experience a degree of anxiousness in such a situation, but what I felt was over the top. I was terrified.

I had hurriedly tossed a few things in a bag as we quickly left for the hospital and grabbed a book that I was reading, Ordering Your Private World by Gordon McDonald. As I read, the author talked about a phenomenon that had happened in Florida where streets, sidewalks, and apartment buildings had been built on ground that once had a stream flowing underneath. Now, years of drought and the unthinkable had happened. The ground was no longer stable, and a slight shifting of the earth, brought cars, lawn chairs, streets, sidewalks, and ultimately the apartment building tumbling into the chasm called a sinkhole. The illustration revealed that our lives can be built on faulty ground as well, and the troubles that we inevitably encounter in life will reveal how firm our foundation really is and what lies beneath the surface.

With a deep conviction, and tears of remorse and pain, I cried out to God at that moment. I knew that my foundation was faulty and that my inner world was operating from a deficit. I did not understand at the time, but I was living out of some incorrect beliefs about God and how He works in our lives. I had no solid idea of what my true identity was at the time, and as a result I was vulnerable to the lies of the enemy. I had a fear based mentality and and had no foundation of love from which I could draw strength.

But, God in His grace gave me the strength to make it through that week long ordeal and we left the hospital with a happy 6 month old in our arms. Though I still did not have revelation of the truth that my heart needed, I had experienced the sober reality that my heart had been tested and found lacking. I don't believe that God caused the sickness or had some elaborate plan to reveal my heart. But, instead He lovingly revealed to me the source of my pain and then comforted me right in the midst of it.

I left the hospital at the end of that week realizing that my private world was very much in need of ordering. I had found myself falling into a sinkhole and didn't want to go back there again. That experience was a defining moment in my life and through the years since then God has been so faithful to nurture, restore, and replenish the broken places of my heart. He's taken my blank slate of identity and written on it who He says that I am, and He's taught me truth upon truth so that I can more easily recognize the lies of my adversary. And now I know that I have a river of His very life, love, and presence within that I can draw from at any time and any place.

If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength. - Prov. 24:10

Keep Love in Mind

                                                                           

For years I struggled with fear.  Fear is one of the earliest emotions I remember feeling.  As a child, I don't remember many days without feeling some measure of fear.  It would seem as if I had come from some terrible situation producing this continuous geyser of emotion, but quite the contrary is true.  In many ways I had an idyllic childhood.  My neighborhood, school, church, and community were 'Norman Rockwall' like and life in many ways was very good.   I was not abused as a child and my basic needs and wants were met.

So, I have no horrible story depicting the 'why' of my fear, but just the memory of this dark shadow that weaves it's way throughout much of my early and teen years.

It would be many years later while doing a Bible study called "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby that I read a statement that shook me to my core.  'If you have a fear problem, you have a love problem'.  Though I didn't have full understanding of why this was so, this marked the beginning of a journey into freedom for me.

I would like to tell you that the healing happened quickly, but instead it was layer upon layer as God worked His way into the innermost workings of my heart.   I think it important to mention that before God began His process, I first tried dealing with fear on my own.  I memorized scripture, I repented, I read books, but none of these dealt the death blow to my enemy called fear.

It was not until God Himself began to reveal to me the wrong perceptions in my mind and  heart concerning His nature and His goodness, that I began to understand what had kept my heart so bound.  I had seen Him as disinterested, uninvolved, and busy, and I had stinky theology in some areas concerning His sovereignty and judgments.   I had no concept of what it meant to snuggle up on a father's lap and receive affirmation, comfort, and protection, so I developed my own futile ways of receiving these things.  

But, God in His goodness entered into my world to dismantle the false system that I had built, and then began to build a foundation of identity, security, and love that flowed directly from His heart to mine.  I learned to enjoy and look forward to my times in His presence as He always spoke into my heart just what I needed to hear.

It's been many years now that I began this journey to know and experience His love.  Do I ever still struggle with fear?   Yes...occasionally.  But, it no longer has a hold on me, and it's unwelcome visits are usually short as I know where I need to go to send fear packing.

I learned that the only antidote to fear is His perfect love.   Thank you God that fear cannot co-exist with Your love.

God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.  In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him.  There is no fear in love.  But, perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - I Jn. 4: 16-18

The God of Fire

                                                                                                                                                             
Can you imagine the stories that must have circulated from generation to generation among the children of Israel? The parting of the Red Sea, the manna that fell from heaven, and the pillar of fire and cloud that followed them, were just a few of the highlights. But, one that must have been told with a holy hush was the story of Moses returning from his visit with God, his face glowing so much that he had to cover it.

This reality, that someone who encounters God comes away radically transformed, became part of their cultural DNA. Moses had a hunger to meet with God and he had a burning desire to see His glory. After his encounter with God, where God lovingly shielded him from too much glory, his face shone with a light that must have amazed those who saw him.

It is this scenario that makes the language of Psalm 80:3 much more understandable. Restore us, O God Almighty; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved. The Psalmist understood what those who walked with Moses must have known; it is impossible to encounter God's glory and not be changed. Throughout the Psalm he repeatedly cries out for restoration, but it is equally important to note that he has an understanding that it would be God's shining face or His glory that would bring about the depth of salvation and deliverance he so longed for.

It's these thoughts, and a burning desire to see more of His glory, that fill my heart and mind as we enter 2013. I'm so thankful for how He came in 2012, and the increase that we have seen in His presence. But, as one who has been in some type of ministry for over 30 years, I know that I know, that in order to see the dreams of my heart, or the great harvest prophesied by so many, I need a greater encounter with the God of glory.

In much the same way as Elijah when he faced the prophets of Baal, our backs are to the wall. We are facing a Godless culture who desperately need to see a demonstration of His power and glory. It will require the type of radical faith that Elijah had when he stood alone to face 450 prophets of Baal. As he gave the orders and prepared a place for God to come, he was walking in a steady, deep confidence that His God would come.

My favorite line from the story is set against this very backdrop of wood and sacrifice, 'The God who answers by fire-He is God'. Though I doubt that we will see a physical display such as Elijah saw in this incredible encounter, I can't help thinking that He is still the God who answers by fire. Isn't this what we need? We need a radical encounter with the God of Fire. We need to encounter the fire of His glory.

This is my prayer for 2013....that we will have the type of encounters with God that Moses had, that God's face would shine upon us in unprecedented measure, and that we would experience the God of demonstration and power such as Elijah saw. May He give us all the faith, tenacity, and courage to pursue Him until He answers by fire.

A Season of Promises Fulfilled

                                                                                                                                                                 
I love all the different ways that God can speak. I love the adventure of hearing His voice and the absolute exhilaration that comes when I sense I have heard from Him. I love the mystery that surrounds hearing Him, and the joy of discovery that awaits us each time He leaves a message in hope that we will find and understand it.

Recently I have observed something unusual that has me taking notice and asking Father, 'What are you saying?' About 3 months ago on a Monday night I drove to our church to help with the Healing Rooms. As I walked up on the front porch of the church, I noticed a beautiful rainbow in the northern sky, and then gasped as I saw that it was actually a double rainbow! I had never seen a double rainbow before or talked with anyone who had. I took a picture with my cell phone and after that, I really didn't think much about it again.

A few weeks passed and then the unusual began to happen. Over and over again, I began to see or hear of other double rainbow sightings. One with some friends on a trip in the UK, another with a friend in New Braunfels, another was spotted in the Leander sky the night that the 90 days of continual worship ended at the HOTHOP, another friend who recently moved to Austin from California saw 6 double rainbows on her trip here. Then, just this evening at a party, a friend casually showed me a picture on her cell phone. You guessed it....a double rainbow! Scrolling through Facebook after I got home from the party, I see another friend has just posted an entirely different photo of yet another double rainbow. I've learned that when I began to hear or see the same message repeatedly, God is usually up to something and I should lean in an listen.



The obvious message is that rainbows speak of promise and covenant. It stands to reason then that double rainbows speak of double promise and double covenant. In a season when all around us is shaking and uncertainty shouts at us from every front, I believe God is heralding to us the message that He has not forgotten His people and He has not forgotten His promises. But more than that, what I'm hearing is that the double rainbow speaks of an Ephesians 3:20 kind of promise, where Paul says, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think.....".

For our region here in Central Texas, we have had many promises and prophetic words given in the last few years of revival and an unprecedented outpouring of His Spirit. I believe we are already in the early stages of the fulfillment of those promises. So many that I know or meet are like myself, pregnant with promise, and it is as if we are all waiting for the birthing of this thing that God is about to do.

I'm smiling as I write this because I know that God has really good things ahead for us. Powerful things. Amazing things. We're entering a season of double blessing and double promise, a season where God honors the covenant He has made with His beloved, a season of promises fulfilled.

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Genesis 9:13

The Upward Call

These days it seems that all of time and life is in an accelerated mode.  Media, technology, jobs, and relationships all assail us for our time and attention, making living life well and anchored especially challenging.  But, if you are like me, I have also sensed an increased urgency in the voice of my Beloved.  This upward call is relentless and compelling.  This call is not about duty or performance, but it is about a heart to heart connection.

I feel this upward call has been turned up a notch because the stakes are high.  Many are saying that we are standing on the precipice of the great end time harvest.  Heavenly plans and strategies are no doubt underway and we, the Bride, must have ears to hear.  Yet, we are living in days where the level of information and stimulus is overwhelming.  In the Christian arena alone the amount of books, CDs, DVDs, music, etc. causes us to feel we're probably missing something really important all the time.  News and media shout at us from every possible angle and our spirits can whither under the assault. 

In all of the hubbub, there is really just one voice that is vital to our well being.  His voice.    Reading a book about Him won't suffice.  Listening to your favorite preacher on TV is also a poor substitute.  These things, though good in themselves, were never meant to replace an intimate relationship with our Creator.  Our world today wants to make it seem so complex, but it is actually blissfully simple.  He is calling.   We must answer.  The quiet alone can be amazingly refreshing, but it is His presence and His voice that sustains us.  He's been sustaining things with His word for a long time, and I need sustaining and so do you.  

Below is recorded some words I heard Him say to me recently in one of those "sustaining" sessions.  Listen for His heart:

Daughter, you say you are hungry for me and I am happy to hear these words.  How I long to be with you as well.  Blessed is the one who will make time to seek my face.  There are many things vying for your time and attention, but only one thing will satisfy....that is my life connection with you.  You must set aside the notion that everything must be done before you can indulge in your time with me.  I give you permission to indulge!

Focus your affection on me and search for me as you would for hidden treasure.  I long to be found by you and there are so many secrets that you have yet to hear.  I want to be the one to whisper them to you.  Come and know me.  Know and be known. 

I have a hunger and thirst for His voice.  Just a few words from Him can change everything.  A prayer I pray almost more than any other is, "I want to know and hear You more".  I long for a greater level of hearing Him that I know will only come as I continue to answer the upward call. 

                                                                  
"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." - Phil. 3:14

Living Intentionally

Over the last year or so, the Lord has been speaking a phrase to me over and over... live intentionally.  The whispered phrase has been like a gentle nudge on some days and a swift kick in the pants on others.  

Checking my trusty Webster's dictionary, I found that intention is defined as a determination to act in a certain way or doing something on purpose.   We often hear the phrase 'having good intentions' used in a context where the person doesn't actually follow through on their intention.  This understanding is unfortunate and so contrary to the definition.  A person with intention is determined and purposeful.

There are lots of areas of our lives where intention needs to be applied, but in this blog I want to talk about being intentional in your dreams. When it came to my own dreams or desires, I tended to procrastinate and put them on the shelf called 'Some Day'. On other occasions, I let the overwhelming nature of the dream or desire keep me from starting at all.

So, I've been opening the package of this phrase live intentionally for about a year and have learned some valuable lessons in the process.   I've learned that many have dreams, but few are living on purpose enough to actually see their dreams come to life.  I've also learned that dreams and desires may seem to float around somewhere in the creative realm, but the accomplishing of dreams is very practical.  Below are some of the practical things I've learned on this journey so far:

First, spending time in honest prayer and reflection is an essential first step in the process of realizing dreams. Sometimes our dreams are brewing beneath the surface, and He can help you define them in contemplative times.   Many of our dreams have a season and a time of release.  Only God can open the doors and release us into our giftings and dreams, but there is a preparation and cooperation part that we must play as well.  I don't want to go the route of self-promotion or presumption, but I also don't want to wake up one day to realize that I missed the opportunities and doors that He was opening for me.  Following your dreams requires relationship with the Giver of Dreams.  Follow the favor that He gives to you.

Second,  are there difficult areas of your life that need some purposeful action applied to them?   Make a list of those areas.   Realize that not taking care of unpleasant things only makes the 'unpleasantness' increase. These things tend to loom over us creating a sense of dread that impedes creativity and joy.  Many times I found that tackling the difficult thing was my chief obstacle, and once this giant was slain, other things began to easily fall into place. Get honest about how and why you are avoiding taking care of things.  For me, there was usually a lie that I was believing.  

Third, facing your dream head on,  make a list (I love lists!) of steps you feel it will take to accomplish your dream.   Then take one area and break that down into further steps if necessary.  Pray again, asking what things you should focus on right now.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  Do what is in front of you and do it well, remembering that stewarding well what you have been given is a kingdom principle that leads to increase. If possible, develop some type of goal setting and accountability for your process.  I spent some time with a personal coach this year and it was great for helping me become more focused on what was really important.  Set dates that you want to have certain things finished.  Hopefully your accountability person will hold your feet to the fire and ask if you followed through on what you intended.

And last, but not least, HAVE FUN!   Accomplishing your dreams may be hard work sometimes, but a good portion of the time it should be fun.  If it is not fun, then maybe you should find another dream.  When we spend time doing what we've been created to do, it should be fulfilling, energizing and even exhilarating. Sure, there are some difficulties to overcome, but the overarching feeling generated from your dream should be one of deep satisfaction and fulfillment.

Living intentionally towards your dreams is taking personal responsibility to do everything you can to steward the gifts and potential He has placed within you.  It is a delightful cooperative process with the Holy Spirit and a journey of unfolding greatness.   Yes, He has placed greatness within you, and it's time to be intentional and live out your dreams on purpose.

Cry Out!

I've always loved Psalm 107. You know the one with scenario after scenario of people who either found themselves in terrible situations, or in a mess that they helped create. In the midst of their mess, usually as a last resort it seems, they cried out to the Lord. It's His response that I like so much. Instead of ignoring them, punishing them, or condemning them for their foolishness, it says every time after they did the crying out part, then He delivered them from their distress. 

So, I've been taking some time to ponder this Psalm and reflect on my own history with God. What I began to see was that I have always prayed about difficult times and situations, but I didn't always cry out right away. Many times as we pray we think we have other options. We are giving Him a chance to work in case He wants to, but sometimes we have plan B waiting in the aisle, just in case He doesn't come through like we hope. I think the crying out that causes God to move on our behalf comes from a place deep inside. It's a place of utter humility and abandonment and yet a place of faith. It is a place of dependence and admittance that we have no other option but Him.

God has a way of reducing our options and hemming us in, even from well meaning people who might interfere with His process in our lives, and it is completely a loving act on His part. Remember, Job and his three friends? They all came with their version of what God was doing and their advice for how Job could get himself out of the place he found himself. None of their counsel revealed the heart of God for Job and prompted God to say, "I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has." (Job 42:7) It was not until Job encountered God Himself that peace came to his heart and situation and in Job 42:5 he humbly says, My ears had heard of you but NOW my eyes have seen you.

Some of the most difficult seasons of my life have been enhanced by the fact that there was not an earthly soul who knew, or that I could run to during that time. In no way would I say that God was the author of these things, but He does promise to work ALL THINGS together for MY GOOD. So, these most difficult seasons became the meeting place for me and God, and it was my pain that pushed me into deeper places with Him. I came to know Him as Comforter, Advocate, Defender, and Deliverer during those times.

So, for those who are walking through days and situations where you find yourself hemmed in, and your options reduced, CRY OUT! If you have rebelled against Him and wonder if you will find acceptance in His eyes, CRY OUT! If you have wandered in the desert for many years and feel you have lost your way, CRY OUT! Cry out with everything within, turning your face and focus on Him. Know that He is a wonderful compassionate Father with a great big tenacious love intent on seeing the best for you His child. He can turn the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs. (Ps. 107:35) He longs to gather you in His arms to comfort you and share with you the secrets of His heart.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron. - Ps. 107:13-16